Chapter 1: The Big Bang– out of irritation (1a)*


Beyond the Big Crunch

An Autobiography of a Cancer Cell

Prologue; Chapter I. The Big Bang – out of irritation; Chapter II. Being before the big bang – the flux; Chapter III. The creatures who followed rules; Chapter IV. Expansion; Chapter V. Access; Chapter VI. Exploration; Chapter VII. Big fight; Chapter VIII. The Empire; Chapter IX. The Crisis; Chapter X. Enlightenment – the glory of life; Chapter XI. Beyond the Big crunch – Saving a system; Chapter XII. The Universe – Birth and death of a system; Chapter XIII. Through the Universe – Avoiding the rejection; Chapter XIV. Reflections on Ecology


I am a cancer cell and this is my simple story and that of my family. Simple because, as cancer cells we have a simple philosophy of just increasing in number, going places without a care for anything. No doubt, for me, my birth, growth and travels are adventure par-excellence. However, I never realized that our actions, also speaking for the rest of my group, were just an inexorable pathway to our own utter destruction. Now I understand that I was born in an organ of a human. It took me an absolute crisis to understand the realities of life and decided to take steps in moderating my group’s and my actions.

The other objective of my story is to convey the lessons that I have learnt to the humans. I know that there are similarities at least in some actions in ours and theirs. There is a dire need to wake up in time. Also, justifiably I state that, the very genesis of me is due to the negligence on the part of humans.

Finally, my reflections do not stop just at that. I would like to put forth my views regarding the purpose of life based on my experience and making the best of it and also have a glimpse at the future. 

Commentary given within flower bracket in blue or red

Chapter I. The Big Bang – out of irritation

{ A similarity can be drawn as to how our universe and a living being came into existence vis-à-vis production of a cancer cell. All are the outcome of a process reaching a critical point}

Looking back, it all happened suddenly. It was like a sudden flash of lighting; a big bang. It was the culmination of head on collision of matter in a flux. It was the result of thing reaching a flash point. It was the outcome of an inevitable thing waiting to happen; inevitability of mathematical probability going beyond chance. At the most, it could have got deferred for some time {A cancer cell is produced when a carcinogen hits the normal cell during a critical point. A carcinogen is an irritant which is responsible for creation of a cancer cell from a normal cell in a human body}

It was the consequence of events proceeding in a purposeful direction for a long, long time. Things were in a flux, a highly irritable state. Rightly one cannot classify the situation as chaos, but definitely not healthy. Semblance of normalcy was there. Nevertheless, beneath the surface things were grossly wrong, like sitting on powder keg. Shocks were absorbed constantly; extreme adjustments were made. Things could be compensated in the beginning easily, but as days and months went by with persisting irritation, sometimes intense and other times tolerable, returning to normalcy looked difficult. Gradually irritations became unbearable. One fine day, apparently, the most intense irritation struck like lightning, a situation of the proverbial last straw in the camel’s back and with a big bang, I was born. { A cancer cell is not born out of a single event. Repeated hits over many years with carcinogens one day reach a flash point. A normal cell would have repaired the damage repeatedly before it would give up and switch to a cancer cell.}

When I was born, I did not know that I am destined to help in the survival of my world and beyond.  I did not know that I was the so called “the chosen one”. Somewhere on the way, I molded. I could think; I could realize; I could perceive broader aspects of life of my kind, which others could not. In fact, I could see even beyond my world when the time came; of the world, others were not aware. It was very satisfying to know that I was born for a special purpose.  I am destined to do something awesome, something considered not required by my contemporaries. {Will be clarified in subsequent chapters.}

My birth was a sudden liberation; liberation from the constraints, rules and regulations. It was an opening up of gateway to the unimaginable. Things changed from annihilation to total protection; mixing up of neo reconstruction and destruction.  It was a new path, new direction and a new hope away from irritation.

It might have been an accident. It might have been an outcome of probability. It probably was an event just waiting to happen. It was an event that could be postponed, but not prevented; a collapse of the existing leading to formation of new. It was a matter of time for replacement of the untenable by the sustainable, probably an inevitable outcome of the laws of universe.

That is, when the old and feeble was destroyed and new & strong emerged. That is, when the immortal emerged from the reorganization from what is about to crumble and move into oblivion.  It was delivery from darkness to light, as far I was concerned.

That was the time for freedom without responsibilities. That was the time to get corrupted with absolute power. That was the time for release from bondage. That was the time for recklessness. That was the time, not to think of others and not be bothered by others. That was the time for absolute power and time for total fun. It looked as if it was a realization of an impossible dream.

Over and above, it was freedom from fear; a persistent nagging fear. Feeling of power without fear was overwhelming. It was divine and blissful to be free from that self-destroying emotion of dread of transgression. No more, worry of being nice, being polite, being respected, being accepted, being liked, and removal of all the other “nonsense qualities” that is appreciated by others. It was the unshackling of a giant. The fear of being alone dissipated. The Concern of not being loved got shelved. The commitment to nothing was a pleasure. There was no need for friendship. There was no need to bother about neighbours. The need for cooperation could be easily overlooked. It was the total elimination of “nonsensical” need for toleration. For the first time, a sense of relief overcame me with no need to help others; giving place to “self-help is the best help”. To be on time for anything became a thing of the past.

It was the beginning of the never ending adventure. It was the commencement of unbridled fun. It was the initiation for total freedom of action. It was the fulfillment of the fundamental objective of universe. It was the time to think about the single purpose of life i.e. about growth and nothing but growth or so it appeared at that point of time.

For the first time a sense of being in total control of the situation pervaded through the entire body. Freedom from feeling subservient, liberation from listening to the commands day in and day out, emancipation from permissions for even the smaller things,  getting rid of chains of self control, getting absolute authority over ones action was overpowering. I was suddenly in total in charge of myself, the ultimate power that everybody longs for. To control everything around, to be the master of situation was the ultimate relish.

Sudden lack of dilemma, overcoming instantly any difficulty in making choices tended like fire. It was the situation of suddenly getting unplugged from the matrix of dull life. It was the discovery of a new purpose, overcoming all emotions and the invisible force.

The icing on the cake was about shedding the pretext of love. Love was the greatest ruse that bogged down everybody in life. The detachment from neighbours’ woes was exhilarating. Love and care for others luckily dissipated. Self-preservation, self-love became the definitive achievement of life. Above all, there was distinct indication that there was no longer any need for love.

The feeling of power was intoxicating. I was unstoppable; mind became steel and actions had perfect purpose. I could confront and defy death. Lives of several beings were in my hands and I could destroy at my will, both for pleasure and for survival. I could hunt and kill the things as I pleased. I could plunder and devastate lives around me, if I wanted. I was thrilled with the newfound power. Everything around me was at my mercy. I improvised continuously and my powers grew by the day. Things turned out that there could be power without responsibilities. It was dream come true situation. {Cancer cells unlike normal cells have no rules, no regulations and no binding. They have total freedom without responsibility.}

I acquired another ability, the existence of which was unknown to me, initially. I could change and adopt at will. I had become amorphous. I could change my shape, my form and my feelings to fit the occasion. I could become invisible even in the crowd. Nobody could pin me down. I was invisible in the visible areas. Colour of my clothing could merge with any background easily. Yet, I could observe everybody. Nobody could spot me but I could identify everybody. This power was so sweet that could be relished like every morsel of delicious food. I could evolve over a period. I developed skills, which improved endlessly. In other words, I could become increasingly lethal. {Normal cells have innumerable identifiable marks on their outer surface, which are responsible for their identity in the vast body. Cancer cells gradually lose these one by one and resistant ones finally become unidentifiable by the body.} I could also go into hiding when I chose. I could sleep for weeks or months if need be, without any food. I developed the ability to rest for years return to be active and as fresh as a daisy in a flash. {In cancer, all the cells are not active. Some would go into deep sleep.}

For the first time, it was proven that there was no superio.r power. There was nothing beyond the self. It just needed a declaration of liberation to drub the concept of being watched over, being directed and being led. Being rewarded for good actions either immediately or later was found to be rubbish. My birth indicated that the future depended not on any unseen force or power, but on selves’ action. Definitely, at that time I did not realize that I would be forced to revisit these ideas again much later in my life when the “big crunch” is destined to appear in the horizon.